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late 2003/early 2004 - still holds true


We walked down a jointed road, walking so fast that it seemed slow
well in this haze of green and gold
long stories told that seem so old
I don't know and I don't care
it's been 9 years since it seemed fair
and I guess it goes to show
that five years down the line
you're five years closer to the end of your time
again

don't make the same mistakes

Feb. 17th, 2009


looking to the future
yet retracting to the past
listening to shitty adolescent music
diverging myself into idealistic thoughts of my future
of our generation's future

as cigarette smoke billows from
my ash tray from across the world

I quit nearly 3 months ago
but I still have 1 every once in a while

I have yet to have more than 1 in a night
I quit the habit
but I still understand the casual pleasure

I have been quite focused
I'm looking at straight A's this semester

finally...after going to this university for something I knew nothing about

I can say the days are done

Andrew quit for his valiant efforts towards his bright future in
physical chemistry

"I honestly feel like I put forth the most effort" - Jared

taken from a direct message via facebook

I am certainly in a sour spot but for once, I am quite alright

after all, the days were just those of my life

perhaps I have been too much of a director and
not enough of the leader I need to be

all things fall apart

I have

but I'm still moving forward

September 29th


I feel you today and I miss you dearly
There is no sorry that will ever be enough
I understand...and I have accepted what is now
The future that was build on events of two years ago
but I can't help but think how things would be otherwise

Forgive me dear. You will always be in my heart
We have not forgotten you.
Now shhhhh baby,
Let me tuck you into bed
everything's going to be alright

Livejournal Has Been Dead for So Long


ahhh
To be Successful
for the three people who still read this and don't care either way
don't worry
don't worry if you do
because all things are planned

-------->


cigarettes lit off coil stoves and
loud music bouncing off closed doors
too many bars forgotten in the back seat
of so many cars
the future is beautiful through the way that
the pain caresses the window panes
finally and silently napping
tuck it into bed
tuck me into bed

wake up to shut up
and take
it in

urgently/modestly/ticking
off the marks on the check board

climbing out of the ambiguous void
that my indecision
often creates out of the relentless spare time
of late

spontaneity never did me wrong*
the bear found a fat tire
and we ride it through the nights

verano?


tick tock moonlight
your appearance is taking a toll on the perspective of the side of my glass
It's hard to believe that the day has a night when it goes from afternoon to
morning

all in between the course of a worksheet
a cigarette
and a phone call

a good night
another "I love you"

another reason to find the things in you
that I did back in '06

the things that I still do

In a king-size bed that really fits a queen

but it does not really matter because it fits the two of us
quite nicely
and if that queen showed up some day

the bed would be taken
out of the love between the two of us
even if we were just floating on a bed of air

deseo tu amor mi canción
carmen

te amo

Mar. 29th, 2008


oh wide world
you got me again
you have me with a smile that hides the pain
of my lips tendency to curve downwards

and I've seen myself in photographs
happier than the last time I remember looking
in the mirror

I submit
I am an animal with failing instincts

Dear Earth
How could you do this?
with the molecules that you spent so many years developing

ok....I guess at this point there is nothing we can do
you cannot reform me and I cannot reform you

I'm willing to cope
but your design has me with my chemicals agitating my
fragile insides

I know we both want the same
but only third parties can sketch the threshold line

I wish I had an eraser

a magic utensil that would quickly diminish
the barrier

and while your eyes were turned for an instant
I could kiss the one I love

and I would pretend that it lasted for days

and the following morning I would awake with
the pillow I hold next to me
I would thinking of the world ending soon
and I would wish the pillow was her

but when I looked in the mirror
my eyes told me

"alex....we have made a vote
we are sick and tired of you looking at us the way that you do
with your empty pupils that have the perspective of a broken heart
we need some love.
because we have to see you everyday and frankly there is one of you and two of us

shape up and look at us in a beautiful manner"

So I thought about it and I could not understand

How could I let the giver of my beautiful vision
have an ugly and depressing reflection

As I witness such beauty everyday
How could I not return the favor?

I haven't changed much yet
but I have avoided the mirror lately

It is sad to know that this is typical of human behavior
solutions are easier when you don't have to face them

I hope tomorrow when I look in the mirror
they will forgive me for still being sad
I hope that they understand that I love them

and I will be happy with them as soon as possible
I might not look in that mirror

but even if my actions are cold
my heart is beating hard and for you

Mar. 13th, 2008


bruised and beaten
emotional squalor
and seconds in the air

dancing through moments past
so quickly our lives are apart when the lens is cracked

life flashing interruption
another moment of beautiful light
in the windows of your eyes

emancipation of torment
arrival in another undeserved chance

so tired
but going on if only for
a larger photo collection
I am thankful
I love you all

Post Eclipse


after a week of complete torment
I can say that if I had a daily wish
I would wake up tomorrow morning and it
would be what this morning was all over again

where things belong
and even when nothing is right
somethings still are

somethings are thicker than water
and my pain could fill gallons at that

but I'm trusting in evaporation
sunshine

Feb. 24th, 2008


The Sun Has Set And I'm Heartbroken